Terms of Service

1. Definitions

For the purposes of this Agreement:

• "Idea" means any thought, concept, notion, whim, fancy, or brain-tickle that enters your consciousness and that you choose to share with us.
• "Compensation" means the emotional satisfaction derived from contribution, also known as "pride."
• "Reasonable" means whatever we decide is reasonable at the time of deciding.
• "We," "Us," "Our" refers to Your Idea, Our Money and its subsidiaries, affiliates, lawyers, and anyone else we feel like including.
• "You," "Your" refers to the person giving us free ideas.

2. Grant of Rights

By submitting an Idea through our platform, you hereby grant to Us a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free, transferable, sublicensable license to:

• Use, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, and display such Idea in any media now known or hereafter developed;
• Patent, trademark, or otherwise protect any intellectual property derived from or inspired by your Idea;
• Sell, license, or otherwise commercialize products or services based on your Idea;
• Take full credit for your Idea in all public communications;
• Pretend we thought of it ourselves at dinner parties.

3. Compensation

3.1 Nature of Compensation

Your compensation for any submitted Idea shall consist entirely of Pride, as defined in Section 1.

3.2 Quantification of Pride

Pride shall be measured in non-monetary units including but not limited to:

• Warm fuzzy feelings
• The ability to say "I contributed to that"
• Bragging rights (unverifiable)
• A sense of accomplishment
• The knowledge that someone, somewhere, is profiting from your intelligence

3.3 Pride Delivery

Pride shall be delivered automatically upon submission. No action is required on your part to receive Pride. Pride cannot be exchanged for cash, goods, services, or dignity.

4. Costs and Expenses

4.1 Development Costs

Submitter agrees to be responsible for all costs incurred in the development, manufacturing, marketing, distribution, and sale of products derived from their Idea, including but not limited to:

• Patent filing and legal fees
• Prototype development and testing
• Manufacturing setup and production
• Marketing, advertising, and promotional expenses
• Distribution and logistics
• Any other costs We deem necessary

4.2 Invoicing

We will invoice Submitter for costs as they are incurred. Payment is due within 30 days. Failure to pay may result in legal action and forfeiture of Pride.

4.3 Revenue

All revenue generated from commercialized Ideas shall be retained by Us to offset administrative overhead and executive compensation.

5. Confidentiality

We agree to keep your identity confidential. This means we won't tell anyone you gave us this idea, which conveniently prevents you from proving we took it from you.

6. Limitation of Liability

In no event shall We be liable for any:

• Feelings of regret
• Imposter syndrome
• The nagging sense that you should have done something different with your life
• Actual, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages
• Envy experienced when seeing your idea on store shelves
• Therapy costs

7. Dispute Resolution

Any disputes arising under this Agreement shall be resolved through binding arbitration. The arbitrator shall be selected by Us. The arbitration shall take place in a location convenient for Us. In the event of a tie, disputes shall be settled by coin flip (Our choice of coin).

8. Miscellaneous Provisions

8.1 Dream Clause (Section 34.2(c))

By agreeing to these terms, you also grant us rights to any ideas you have in dreams, daydreams, or shower thoughts that you subsequently submit.

8.2 Intoxication Clause (Section 47.3(b))

Ideas submitted while intoxicated are considered extra voluntary and may receive additional Pride.

8.3 Naming Rights (Section 52.1)

We reserve the right to name products after our pets, regardless of your suggestion.

8.4 Existence Clause (Section 58.7)

Your continued existence constitutes ongoing acceptance of any amendments to these terms.

9. Amendments

We may update these terms at any time, for any reason, without notice. Your continued breathing after such updates constitutes acceptance. If you stop breathing, your estate is bound by these terms.

10. Severability

If any provision of this Agreement is found to be unenforceable, the remaining provisions shall continue in full force and effect, and we'll probably just reword the unenforceable bit and try again.

11. Entire Agreement

This Agreement constitutes the entire agreement between You and Us regarding the subject matter hereof, superseding any prior agreements, understandings, or reasonable expectations you may have had.